Where do I begin? Life is about change, it’s always changing. Just like the weather and the seasons and the books, TV shows, movies, music and the food and drinks we consume as well as where and when and with whom we consume it all with… change is inevitable. Change isn’t always easy, I think it’s almost never easy. There’s always an adjustment period even if you think the change is for good. About a year ago I made a career change, it was difficult to say the least and I had new challenges and nightmares about those challenges. I can say today I most definitely love what I’m doing for work and I hope I can continue doing it for years to come. So I feel I can honestly say change is for good and just like the song from Wicked that comes to mind every time I use the term change is for good, I really think that this is mostly true for every person that has ever come into my life that “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” Have you ever read the lyrics to that song? It’s so good, so simple and just so true to me concerning so many people in my life. My whole life, people come and go, I realize now that’s just the way life is and it’s ok, as much as it can hurt, it is just the way life is for now. Not forever I still believe in a better eternity than this temporal world. I have to believe, I have to have faith and hope. Call me weak but I don’t want to live in a world without hope for an eternal world of love, happiness and eternal living. And so I won’t, I will remain hopeful for as long as I have air in my lungs. There are too many people dear to my heart that have been taken from this world all too soon that I truly want to be reunited with, so for them I’m holding on to faith and hope. Which brings me to love and back to change. Did I mention I’m a failure? I am. I failed at my first marriage of 25 years to a most amazing man! Regrets? The only regret I have and it’s a huge one is hurting the ones I love most in the world as a result. I never had any intention of hurting anyone, and daily I live with shame and feelings of guilt, which by the way my amazing therapist is helping me to navigate. If you’ve ever thought you don’t need a therapist, you do! I never thought I needed a therapist, oh but I did, I really did. The sad part about mine though is I got one about 37 years too late!!! A person who endures sexual abuse their whole life from age 4 until age 14 by a person that was supposed to be one of the most trustworthy persons in their life, most definitely needs a therapist to work out all the demons, the pain, the shame, and the mental twisted torture they endure to this day, as a result. Without a therapists help it seems inevitable that person would fail in their first marriage. It’s such a sad story, even more sad that it’s a true one. It doesn’t end there though, Alas there is change, and thankfully forgiveness which I pray for and impart with daily. It’s the only way I can go on and live my life in truth and in love. I’m remarried now and I’m finding happiness in my new life and love. All of my family are more important to me now than they ever have been in my life. It’s true to say you find out who your true friend is by going through all of life’s traumas. The idea the last 3 letters in the word friend spells end rings true to me, because that’s definitely what happens between most friends. I’m so thankful for the friends near and far who have stood by me and my family through all of our change. Those friends prove to be more like family. Family is forever, that rings more true to me and the word family ends in ILY which to me means I Love You, and no matter what, unconditionally I will always love our family.
