I Am Not a Failure

Wait, the blog world still exists? Guess I should blog then. 

When I'm asked introspective questions, that I'm not prepared for, (this happened awhile ago) I will answer as quickly and honestly as possible, but then, if the questions are weighty enough, I'll still be processing the questions and my answers hours later. It's a curse. Hence the reason my eyes stay open long into the night. Without going into the questions or the answers I'm talking about, I'll start with a different introspective question which came as a result of the initial questions.  'Am I the only one who ever feels like a failure in ALL areas of life?' I know it's a bit extreme, but I'm usually an all or nothing person, therefore, I'm pretty extreme by nature. Although, lately I've really noticed a change in my own character and I'm actually becoming not as all or nothing as I've always been. This can be a good thing and a bad thing, but for now I'm only going to talk about one good thing I've noticed about myself lately. One example, tonight when dinner and dessert came around, both consisted of 'small' portions even though I was hungry and could have justified eating way more. I'm so amazed how much control God has given me these days when it comes to food. I can honestly say He has set me free from the sin of gluttony! I used to eat, a lot, anything and everything, sabotaging my body, this very temple that He created to dwell in, with all kinds of and a lot of unhealthy food. Until, I confessed my sin, repented and asked Him to take complete control and help me to use wisdom and practice self control with my eating. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process and took a few times of surrendering all over again, but He's amazing and faithful! And It's now been a few years since He shed light on my sin and I laid it at His feet and WOW, have His blessings followed. Now 50 pounds lighter, 4 dress sizes smaller and no longer in the pre-diabetic, high cholesterol categories, my doctor is super happy with me! It's a good feeling for sure. So why do I feel like a failure then? I know I'm not, so the only reason I can think of is because that is what the enemy Satan, wants me to feel. Well, guess what? I'm done. From this day forward I publicly declare and proclaim in the name of Jesus, I am not a failure! I am, in fact, MORE THAN A CONQUEROR in Christ Jesus my Lord, and starting today I am determined to live that way! In all areas of my life!! I do know who I am in Christ. I know that who I am in Christ is none of my own doing, but ALL because of His doing. He is holy, He lives in me, therefore I am holy. He is perfect, He lives in me, therefore I am perfect. He is righteous, He lives in me, therefore I am righteous. He is worthy, He lives in me, therefore I am worthy. Again, not because of anything I do or don't do, but all because of what Jesus has already done for me and is doing in me. So today, I will no longer walk in defeat and feelings of failure, but I will walk in His victory, in His truth, in His peace and in His love. I know He has more for me, more for my life and my destiny, so my question is, 'What other sins Lord, can you reveal to me? My heart's desire is still the same, change me from the inside out. Please, set me free from the sin that so easily entangles me. Continue to change me from glory to glory and have your way in me.'

Little Dark Secret

I feel like blogging but I'm speechless at the moment. Which could mean I will ramble on about absolutely nothing and write the longest post I've ever written or that I will end it right after I finish typing this sentence.  It's nearly summer break!!!! Woohoo!!!! I am so excited I can hardly contain it! I don't know why but I absolutely love summer time, even though in July it gets insanely hot. 116, 117 degrees Fahrenheit is not uncommon, BUT, it is, thankfully a dry heat and it does make a difference. (It does for me anyway!!!) Humidity is not my friend, even if it is better for your skin, it's miserable for me to endure, especially when accompanied with excessive heat! 

So do you ever consider yourself a failure? I do, pretty much everyday of my life! It's a good thing I know His grace is sufficient for me and that His mercies for me are new every morning!!! Seriously though, I'm clinging so tight to these promises of His right now.  It's comforting to read that, "HIS POWER is made PERFECT in my weakness!" Oh so comforting are the red lettered words of my Savior God.  I won't go into the details of my failures, but just know I have many. Work in me Lord, that is my prayer today.

Ok just one little dark secret detail about my failures. I'm still on a food fast of not eating sugar, carb heavy, junk foods.  It's more than a diet, in fact it's not a diet at all. It's a commitment I made to God and I can't even keep it! Yesterday I baked homemade chocolate chip cookies for youth group and for our new Spanish speaking neighbors across the street. (I REALLY need to learn Spanish!) Well I'm sure you know where this is going but I'll say it anyway, I devoured THREE of those sugary, carb heavy cookies which are in fact junk food. Failure. Yep that's me. His power is made perfect in weakness. What does that mean to me exactly? Just a reminder that I am a failure, that I do need Jesus because I'm not perfect and that I never will be on my own. My righteousness is only in Christ alone, I can not add to my righteousness at all. Jesus alone is my righteousness.

And now, back to summer... I said I don't know why I love it so much, but maybe I can think of a few reasons... A top reason, spending more time with my kids even though I may hear, "I'm bored", a lot. I hope not though! I like to stay busy myself, so I hope we will find lots of inexpensive things to do to keep us entertained. My kids are at the age now where they are too old for community programs which are mostly for elementary age kids. So I'm going to have to be more creative this summer on how to keep them busy. I'm open to any ideas so please don't hold back if you have one!! :) More top reasons for looking forward to Summer, sporadic traveling and small trips, we will take a few this summer and I'm excited about every one of them!!! I love, love, love going places. Especially if one of those places is the beach and right now I can only think of one trip planned where the beach is included, and not just any beach, it's a gorgeous beach in the crystal clear blue waters of the Caribbean ocean. I get to go back this summer, thanks to God, thanks to my husband and thanks to dear friends at church! Serving the people in the Dominican Republic, will be the highlight of my summer, my only wish is that my family could come and that it could be longer than a week. Prayerfully, one day my wish will come true.

So what else can this rambling woman ramble on about? Oh yeah! We just finished "I Am A Church Member" book by Thom Rainer in our ladies Bible study life group.  We were ALL challenged, encouraged, enlightened and inspired by the godly wisdom in it.  Seriously we all agree it is such an important book to read for every Christian new and old! It's extremely important for all of us to have a healthy, godly perspective on how we as members of the body of Christ and individual churches should function properly for the sake of the Gospel. READ IT and apply it! :) 

Let's see... My Facebook fast is boring. Miss Facebook, enough said ;)

Thinking now I should do a complete media fast, but I really don't want to and I think I would just be setting myself up for more failure if I did, so I won't at this time. It's crazy how much media is a part of my life and not just mine, everyone else's too! It's definitely a cultural thing. If you think you're not addicted to it, try to give it up. You'll see real fast that you are in fact addicted. Internet, radio, television, cellphones with all their awesome apps from everything like playing games to online banking. Technology is just a way of life for me, in our culture it seems impossible to live without it. Agree? Why or why not? Anyhow, if I'm going to fast media completely again, it's going to take an audible voice from God telling me to, or me being stranded on an island somewhere with no wifi. I'm addicted. Sad, but true.

Brag about my life moment: I love my kids. I'm proud of them and their accomplishments this school year. I love my husband. I could never in my wildest dreams ask for a better one than him. I love my family, my friends and I'm so very thankful for all God has blessed me with. I know I don't deserve any of it, and it's only by His great love and mercy that my life is as good as it is. Praying He helps me live with open hands and a soft heart daily.

Today I went to visit my friend Jenny. I try to go at least once a week. She is bed bound with MS. I wish there was something I could do for her other than spend time visiting with her, bringing goodies to her and reading a book to her.  I painted her nails again today which she loves, and I love that it makes her happy to have pretty sparkly nails.  I also played my favorite Bethel album of the moment, "You Make Me Brave", for her and she kept asking who it was because she loved it so much. Jenny is a true sweetheart, she always has been.  I hope and pray daily that God would heal her and restore her health. I trust that He is using her life for His glory and some how, some way, good will come out of her circumstances, even though at this time it's impossible for me to see how. Her life is so precious. She is a faithful Christian wife of a good hardworking man and a mom of 6 beautiful kids... I'm thankful there is more to this life than what we have on earth, and I'm so thankful for the hope of Heaven. I know one day, disease, decay and death will be swallowed up in victory.

God is soooooo good!!!! Did I mention that? I don't think I did, so I'm doing it now. He is incredible. I owe my whole life to Him. I would be utterly hopeless without Him. I can't imagine living one day without His presence. I wish people far from God would realize just how complete their lives would be if they accepted His awesome love and free gift of salvation. Nothing in this life compares with knowing Christ Jesus as Lord, trusting Him as Savior, worshipping Him as God and relating to Him as friend. He really is my all in all. He loves me when I'm unloveable and is my constant companion in this life, so full of ups and downs. There is no one like God!

Me and Jenny :)

P.S. I miss my God friend Molly so much it hurts my heart bad. :'(