Little Dark Secret

I feel like blogging but I'm speechless at the moment. Which could mean I will ramble on about absolutely nothing and write the longest post I've ever written or that I will end it right after I finish typing this sentence.  It's nearly summer break!!!! Woohoo!!!! I am so excited I can hardly contain it! I don't know why but I absolutely love summer time, even though in July it gets insanely hot. 116, 117 degrees Fahrenheit is not uncommon, BUT, it is, thankfully a dry heat and it does make a difference. (It does for me anyway!!!) Humidity is not my friend, even if it is better for your skin, it's miserable for me to endure, especially when accompanied with excessive heat! 

So do you ever consider yourself a failure? I do, pretty much everyday of my life! It's a good thing I know His grace is sufficient for me and that His mercies for me are new every morning!!! Seriously though, I'm clinging so tight to these promises of His right now.  It's comforting to read that, "HIS POWER is made PERFECT in my weakness!" Oh so comforting are the red lettered words of my Savior God.  I won't go into the details of my failures, but just know I have many. Work in me Lord, that is my prayer today.

Ok just one little dark secret detail about my failures. I'm still on a food fast of not eating sugar, carb heavy, junk foods.  It's more than a diet, in fact it's not a diet at all. It's a commitment I made to God and I can't even keep it! Yesterday I baked homemade chocolate chip cookies for youth group and for our new Spanish speaking neighbors across the street. (I REALLY need to learn Spanish!) Well I'm sure you know where this is going but I'll say it anyway, I devoured THREE of those sugary, carb heavy cookies which are in fact junk food. Failure. Yep that's me. His power is made perfect in weakness. What does that mean to me exactly? Just a reminder that I am a failure, that I do need Jesus because I'm not perfect and that I never will be on my own. My righteousness is only in Christ alone, I can not add to my righteousness at all. Jesus alone is my righteousness.

And now, back to summer... I said I don't know why I love it so much, but maybe I can think of a few reasons... A top reason, spending more time with my kids even though I may hear, "I'm bored", a lot. I hope not though! I like to stay busy myself, so I hope we will find lots of inexpensive things to do to keep us entertained. My kids are at the age now where they are too old for community programs which are mostly for elementary age kids. So I'm going to have to be more creative this summer on how to keep them busy. I'm open to any ideas so please don't hold back if you have one!! :) More top reasons for looking forward to Summer, sporadic traveling and small trips, we will take a few this summer and I'm excited about every one of them!!! I love, love, love going places. Especially if one of those places is the beach and right now I can only think of one trip planned where the beach is included, and not just any beach, it's a gorgeous beach in the crystal clear blue waters of the Caribbean ocean. I get to go back this summer, thanks to God, thanks to my husband and thanks to dear friends at church! Serving the people in the Dominican Republic, will be the highlight of my summer, my only wish is that my family could come and that it could be longer than a week. Prayerfully, one day my wish will come true.

So what else can this rambling woman ramble on about? Oh yeah! We just finished "I Am A Church Member" book by Thom Rainer in our ladies Bible study life group.  We were ALL challenged, encouraged, enlightened and inspired by the godly wisdom in it.  Seriously we all agree it is such an important book to read for every Christian new and old! It's extremely important for all of us to have a healthy, godly perspective on how we as members of the body of Christ and individual churches should function properly for the sake of the Gospel. READ IT and apply it! :) 

Let's see... My Facebook fast is boring. Miss Facebook, enough said ;)

Thinking now I should do a complete media fast, but I really don't want to and I think I would just be setting myself up for more failure if I did, so I won't at this time. It's crazy how much media is a part of my life and not just mine, everyone else's too! It's definitely a cultural thing. If you think you're not addicted to it, try to give it up. You'll see real fast that you are in fact addicted. Internet, radio, television, cellphones with all their awesome apps from everything like playing games to online banking. Technology is just a way of life for me, in our culture it seems impossible to live without it. Agree? Why or why not? Anyhow, if I'm going to fast media completely again, it's going to take an audible voice from God telling me to, or me being stranded on an island somewhere with no wifi. I'm addicted. Sad, but true.

Brag about my life moment: I love my kids. I'm proud of them and their accomplishments this school year. I love my husband. I could never in my wildest dreams ask for a better one than him. I love my family, my friends and I'm so very thankful for all God has blessed me with. I know I don't deserve any of it, and it's only by His great love and mercy that my life is as good as it is. Praying He helps me live with open hands and a soft heart daily.

Today I went to visit my friend Jenny. I try to go at least once a week. She is bed bound with MS. I wish there was something I could do for her other than spend time visiting with her, bringing goodies to her and reading a book to her.  I painted her nails again today which she loves, and I love that it makes her happy to have pretty sparkly nails.  I also played my favorite Bethel album of the moment, "You Make Me Brave", for her and she kept asking who it was because she loved it so much. Jenny is a true sweetheart, she always has been.  I hope and pray daily that God would heal her and restore her health. I trust that He is using her life for His glory and some how, some way, good will come out of her circumstances, even though at this time it's impossible for me to see how. Her life is so precious. She is a faithful Christian wife of a good hardworking man and a mom of 6 beautiful kids... I'm thankful there is more to this life than what we have on earth, and I'm so thankful for the hope of Heaven. I know one day, disease, decay and death will be swallowed up in victory.

God is soooooo good!!!! Did I mention that? I don't think I did, so I'm doing it now. He is incredible. I owe my whole life to Him. I would be utterly hopeless without Him. I can't imagine living one day without His presence. I wish people far from God would realize just how complete their lives would be if they accepted His awesome love and free gift of salvation. Nothing in this life compares with knowing Christ Jesus as Lord, trusting Him as Savior, worshipping Him as God and relating to Him as friend. He really is my all in all. He loves me when I'm unloveable and is my constant companion in this life, so full of ups and downs. There is no one like God!

Me and Jenny :)

P.S. I miss my God friend Molly so much it hurts my heart bad. :'(

I forget everything!

I'm blogging this because I forget everything! And by everything, I mean everything!! My husband says I remember things but I tell him I really only remember things if I've taken a picture of it or if I've written it down somewhere... Other than remembering random things from my childhood, I can't seem to remember much else, since...well...since having kids! I'll blame my memory loss on them, it's a good thing they're worth it!! :) So this past Sunday at our awesome life group, I had to leave early, which I hate doing, but I also hate to miss out on playing with the bunco babes for Jesus so I had to leave... We had been discussing chapter 5 of Ephesians and a question was asked, "why are husbands commanded to love their wives, and the wives aren't told to love their husbands but to submit and respect them?" It's a good question... So why?! I wanted a clear cut answer, before I left the discussion, some things that drive me crazy are open ended questions, I always want to know why. I always want to understand, I always want to know why I believe the way I believe, so I have a hard time letting certain things go, sometimes it's annoying but yeah...anyway. So I thought about it a little on the way to bunco, and I almost asked my friend who picked me up what she thought, but I didn't....When I arrived home after bunco, I asked my husband how the rest of life group went and especially the discussion. He shared with me a little and it got me thinking more.  The verses don't just say "husbands love your wives" it actually goes into detail about the kind of love it's talking about, it's a sacrificial love, the same kind if love Christ loves each of us with when He gave His own life for us. So it's so much more than, infatuated love, romantic love, sexual love, or protective love etc. it's a selfless, unconditional, servant kind of love. And it hit me, that this kind of love is powerful, transforming and life changing. It's the kind of love that initiates an overwhelming response in us. Just like when a person realizes the enormous sacrifice Jesus Christ made for them because of His love for them, that person can't help but to love and devote themself back to Jesus. So because a marriage between a man and a woman is a picture of the relationship of Christ and His Church, it makes sense that the husband, the head of the wife, much like Christ is the head of the church, is told to love His wife like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. When a woman is loved in that sacrificial way by her husband, her response will always be one of love and devotion back to her husband, just like our response to our Savior is love and devotion because of what He did for us.  As the head and spiritual leader of the wife, the husband seems to have the greater responsibility of loving first, like when it is said, we love God because He first loved us. God designed the husband and wife relationship to function perfectly, resulting in sanctification and holiness for all of us, just like the relationship between Christ and His Bride.  God makes it possible for the husband to succeed in the commandment he has been given. It happens when the husband, who being a part of the body of Christ, obeys the command to submit to Christ and selflessly and sacrificially love his wife out of His love and devotion to Christ his Lord and Savior. 

My mind was put at ease when God helped me to understand the answer to the question in this way. There may be a lot more to the answer that I still need to learn, but at least this explanation gives me peace for the moment. I'd completely love to hear more insight into it of anyone is willing to share it with me :)