Random again

I'm blogging because sometimes I just feel like talking and everyone else in the world seems to be asleep.  I know there are many awake though and many awake with heartache or concern. I like to use times of not being able to sleep to pray for friends that need or have asked for prayer and since I've already prayed hoping I haven't left anyone out, but trusting God hears and knows my heart for each person, He will come through in His perfect timing, will and way for each one. 

 After talking with a friend, hearing a sermon, and reading a blog post all on the topic at hand, I've been thinking a lot about why God allows some of us to be raised in a hard or hurtful environment, or why God allows certain trials, struggles or tragedies to occur in our lives, or even why some people have never had to experience a truly sad, difficult or hard time.  I know God knows, He doesn't have to wonder like I am, He already knows the reasons and I know one day everything will be clear to us as well, but until that day I will wonder.

I will think and I will and pray that He shows me and I will be ready to receive the answers.

Random Unpopular Thought

As much as I'm on social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest and Twitter, you would think that I think positive thoughts about it all, all the time, but the fact is I don't. 

Now  don't get me wrong I enjoy it all a lot, but I also notice how it has become the favorite past time of tweens and teens.  I notice that some are constantly posting selfies in picture form as well as in video form and it makes me wonder if kids these days spend as much time with their friends as I did when I was their age.  I remember every day after school in Elementary and Jr.High, getting my homework done as fast as possible so that I could go outside and ride bikes with my friends or burn the inside of my calves from bike tires as I rode on the pegs of a friend's bike, or getting a sore backside from riding on the bike handle bars or even just taking walks with friends in the neighborhood. Man, how I miss those days with those friends playing "Butts Up" and "Ghosts in the Graveyard" until bedtime, pain and all!  I guess what I hope is that kids these days are not just wasting their precious time as youths on the big black hole we call the internet. I hope that they are making long lasting memories to cherish forever.  Better than selfies, are pictures taken with a group of friends, better than videos of yourself are videos with friends singing karaoke or acting out a song or play together. Better than pinning a million projects on Pinterest is getting together with friends for shopping, craft and create time! 

I write all this as a reminder to myself as well, because even as an adult it's easy to isolate yourself and use social media as your interaction with people, but it pales in comparison to the real life face to face interaction each of us need to remain healthy in mind, body and spirit.  God made each of us relational people, and we need to work at building real long lasting relationships with others.  So if you're a tween, teen or even an adult reading this, I hope this encourages you to actively seek more physically present time with those you love and those who love you.  And if you're a friend of mine and you live close to me,  I'm always game for get together time, no matter what we do, as simple as going for frozen yogurt or as elaborate as     learning a new skill, as long as it's done with a friend, it will always be memorable and fun.

Laughing with my Son

Besides just being together, one of my favorite past times is laughing uncontrollably with my son. He has one of the best sense of humors I've ever known.  We like to look up clean funny pictures and jokes together as well as stand up comedy.  We can spend a lot more than an hour sitting together reading funny pictures as we laugh hysterically until our sides ache.  It's in these moments that I realize just how intelligent and quick he is. Embarrassed to say that occasionally he gets the punch line quicker than I do. He's patient with me though and gives me the time I need to catch on. Likewise, if he doesn't understand one I explain until he does.   It's amazing the knowledge he gains from reading jokes, I never would have thought it would be a good way to learn and retain but I'm convinced it is.  I know my son loves the time we spend laughing together because he wants to do it often, I hardly ever pass up the chance to see his beautiful smile so of course it doesn't take much to talk me into it.  His laugh is music to my ears, much like his French Horn playing which is for another topic, another day.  I love my son, I love everything about him, I wouldn't change a thing because honestly I know he changes daily. He's growing into a caring, thoughtful, sensitive, fun loving, responsible young man and for that I am truly thankful.  At times I miss the sweet baby, toddler, preschool and elementary days which bring vivid memories that I will always cherish, but I continue to love each passing day with him as I try to hold on to each special moment.   There is nothing in the world quite like having a son and when he expresses thoughts for his future, it makes my heart glad even though I can't begin to imagine the day he'll be on his own.  I have high hopes for my son and whatever he chooses to do in his life my biggest hope and prayer is that he will always choose to serve Christ Jesus his Lord first and foremost and everything else he chooses to do will prosper. It's hard to believe that in just 18 days he will be a teenager. I look forward to all that lies ahead with him and I pray God will give me the wisdom, knowledge and understanding to be the best mother I can be to my son as he continues to grow into an adult. These years are so important and I pray my selfishness would not get in the way, so that I can be all that I have been called to be for him with God's help and strength. It is a fine privilege and an honor to be the mother of my son.

Never Alone

You know when you sometimes get that feeling that you are all alone? Yeah, we all know that feeling. I'm sure all of us have experienced these feelings at least once in our lives and I'm sure for most of us a lot more than once.  It's a feeling that can leave you feeling sad, lonely, depressed, hurt, angry, bitter, and frustrated. It can also make you want to withdrawal from people and isolate yourself, which is ironic because you're already feeling withdrawn and isolated!  

It breaks my heart to think that any one of my family or friends have felt this way, because I don't want them feeling that way! Especially because God has given me so much love and compassion for each person that He has ordained to be in my life.  I view each and every person I have ever met or come in contact with as a divine appointment or relationship. There are no coincidences, luck or happenstances when it comes to people in life.

Although I do not have all the time in the world to check up on or connect with all my friends and family that God has so graciously blessed me with; I do not want them to ever think I have forgotten about them, that I don't think of them or that I don't love them, because I seriously do!  So, though I can't be the person to make sure ALL my friends and family never feel alone, I'm here to assure everyone today you are NEVER ALONE! 

Though you may feel it, though you may think no one cares about you and though you may be feeling unwanted and unloved. There is One who is ALWAYS WITH YOU, Who will never leave you and Who will always love you! I KNOW this to be true because He has always been there for me, in my times of feeling alone. He brings comfort in times of sadness, He brings peace in times of turmoil and He brings healing in times of pain.  He is a Father to the fatherless, He is a Faithful and True Friend whose love is relentless.

I'm sure most of you know WHO I am speaking of, but in case you don't, His name is Jesus and He says,“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." (Matthew 7:7, 8 ESV) 

Ask, seek and knock today, for He has promised to never leave you or forsake you! 

Yep I'm a hypocrite!

Rush of Fools-Undo Lyrics is pretty much my prayer song right now as I find myself once again not practicing self control!  So, once again, I'm seeking forgiveness, mercy, grace and the Holy Spirit's power to transform me and create in me a clean heart, as I surrender ALL of me to His Perfect Will and Way for my life!  Still so thankful to Pastor Kevin Wehr for shining a light on my sin in his Ecclesiastes sermons a year ago next month!  Wow time flies! So here I go again only it's NOT on my own like the WhiteSnake song says, because I'm going with Jesus! He is here to take the wheel, I just need to let Him!!!! 

"Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics

I've been here before, now here I am again 

Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in 

To label me a prodigal would be 

Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be 

[Chorus] 

Turn me around pick me up 

Undo what I've become 

Bring me back to the place 

Of forgiveness and grace 

I need You, need Your help 

I can't do this myself 

You’re the only one who can undo 

What I've become 

I focused on the score, but I could never win 

Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin 

To label me a hypocrite would be 

Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be 

[Chorus] 

Turn me around pick me up 

Undo what I've become 

Bring me back to the place 

Of forgiveness and grace 

I need You, need Your help 

I can't do this myself 

You’re the only one who can undo 

What I've become 

Make every step lead me back to 

The sovereign way that You 

[Chorus] 

Turn me around pick me up 

Undo what I've become 

Bring me back to the place 

Of forgiveness and grace 

I need You, need Your help 

I can't do this myself 

You’re the only one who can undo 

What I've become"

Argh! A little frustrated!

Sometimes I guess I just expect too much from certain people.  Especially those in leadership positions. I love honesty! I'm not afraid to be honest and speak what I feel or think no matter how foolish it may sound or wrong it may be.  I don't desire to offend anyone, but if it's how I feel or what I think, I say it. It doesn't mean I can't  be proven wrong or can't be convinced to believe a different way, because depending on the issue sometimes I can have a change of heart or mind. I know I am not always right! I know I get things wrong or perceive things different than what they really are, we all do. One true thing I am not a public speaker. I'm actually a very shy person, an introvert in many ways, I do better talking in very small crowds and even better one on one and mostly while walking.  It's just the way I am, I'm a better listener than a talker.  It doesn't mean I don't have a lot to say because I do, it just means, sometimes I like to process things for a long time before I speak and so sometimes I won't say much at all.  I think I'm better at writing what I feel, because I've already thought long and hard about what I want to say.... So back to topic, if someone stands up for something secretly, are they really standing up for it?! I mean if a person takes a stand for something, they should do it publicly, or not at all! Just like the verse says, "Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. (Matthew 5:37 ESV)"  a person who privately stands for something but doesn't do it publicly, especially to the ones involved, has no backbone and lacks courage, simple as that.  I know it's harsh, but it's truth.  Don't take a stand for something or someone and then say, "this is confidential" and completely deny the stand you took or the side you took when it becomes public and hold it against the ones you told when it becomes evident to everyone what you truly believe or how you feel.  Basically if you can't say it to all involved, don't say it at all.  That is simply wrong in my book and I would say it's wrong in God's book too. It's deceptive and I'm sure done out of fear of man, maybe being too concerned about being accepted by everyone. Anyway I guess, I just expect to much sometimes, especially from self proclaimed Followers of Christ and those who continually quote the Bible.  I desire to see people actually live what they believe. Just like the preacher in church said today, faith is living out what you believe to be true! Don't be afraid to take a stand for the things you believe to be true and just! Let your yes be yes and your no be no, and yes I'm applying these words to myself as well as  to every other follower of Christ.  Lord Jesus, help me to live what I believe and to always stand for truth and justice as well as extend mercy and grace.

Hello? Blog world? Are you still there?

It has been years since I've last blogged! Ok, not years, sometimes I exaggerate, just a little. In reality it's been 5 months, and yes the last 5 months have flown by, just like every second, minute, hour and day fly by! I guess it's true what they say, the older you get, the faster time seems to go by.  Why? Who knows, there are all sorts of theories out there, but only God truly knows why.  

Well let me see, what to talk about?! There is so much to say and yet there is so much I am just not ready to say.... In time though, in time.   

Right now we are in the middle of summer, and so far it's been a busy but fun one!  From celebrating my grandmas 90th, to family weekend camp, to cooking and art church camps, to cousins staying with us for a week, to special treat times with friends, It truly has all been so wonderful thus far.  I'm trying to keep the kids busy, although with allergies and common colds attacking, sometimes all we want to do is stay in from the ferocious heat! Summer colds are the worst! Yes it's been a hot one, but on the bright side, it makes for perfect swim weather which we have also done a lot of, thank God my sister is so generous with her beautiful pool.  If she wasn't, I'm sure we would be bored at least half of the summer, but we're not! :)

 

In between all the fun, this has been a weird uncomfortable summer, for me especially, but again just not ready to talk about it all.  In time I will share.  I can say though, that God continues to reveal things to me about life in general and about what's most important in this life! Life is fragile, it really is!!! We need to live each day as if it were our last! That doesn't mean, go out today and try to DO everything you want to do before you die, it just means live peaceably with everyone in your life as far as it depends on you! Forgive and receive forgiveness! Absolutely no one is perfect and everyone needs grace! I need  grace all the time! I mess up constantly!!!! I thank God that He forgives me and loves me through it all. I thank God that He reveals things in my heart, mind and actions that are not pleasing to Him and helps me to change! He is Amazing and I don't want Him to stop refining me, I desire to be like Jesus His perfect Son.  So I welcome the fire, because I know In time He will make something beautiful out of me.  Please don't stop refining me until you're done Lord!

Well If I failed to mention one important thing that happened right before summer it would be just that, a fail. So here it is, my pastor and one of my closest friends, my friend sent from God, his wife, and their beautiful children left our church and moved away.  It's been a sad time in my life, and honestly a lonely time. It would be nice to have friends check in on me from time to time asking how I was doing... I guess I can't say no one has, I can think of a couple who reached out to me first through a text or a hug and they are one's who I would have least expected it from, but I am so grateful they did because it meant the world to me.  It's so hard when close friends move away! I thank God for technology though, it's a lot easier to stay in touch these days and that makes it slightly easier, but it's still hard. A cyber hug is not the same as a real warm hug from a friend or loved one you miss.  I won't be too hard on the Christians in my life who I thought would check on me knowing my God-friend was moving away though, I think fear of finding out too much or fear of gossip kept them from asking if I was ok, and I can't fault anyone for wanting to stay out of it or not wanting to sin. It just makes me sad this happens in Christ's church especially when we are supposed to be a family. It makes me more aware of trying to recognize those who may be hurting.  I know I fail constantly in this area and it's something I'm trying to work on! We all Need each other! Just like in the Sanctus Real song that has the "oh-oh's" in it that drive one of my friends crazy! Lol!  I love my friends, everyone of them and I don't just want to say it, I want to show it and I hope I get better at it, which is something else God has to do in me, there's a lot, and again i welcome it, I want Him to work in me!!! :)

My prayers these days consist of too many young ones that are fighting for their lives against cancer. I hate cancer!  I thank God for everlasting life, I know one day there will be no more death and I'm so thankful to Jesus for that! One day, we will live together for eternity, oh what a glorious day that will be!