So just being honest but I thought this being thankful for 3 things everyday challenge was supposed to make me feel more thankful and content... It's not working. I'm positive I shouldn't post this, but I'm going to. I've got issues. I have to say I've never felt more discontent in my life than I do now. Again, I've got issues. I have sooo much to be thankful for!!! More than I can wrap my brain around, and I know this, yet I'm still dealing with these feelings that at times seem too much to bear. What is wrong with me?! Honestly I already know. I've been praying for quite some time now, probably for a good 10 months, that God would change my heart's desire to desire only the things He desires for me. For some reason all these months later, I'm still praying that prayer. I'm a dreamer, and a visionary. I like to imagine my life in ways that are completely different than reality. I love my life, I love all the people in my life, but I still have a longing for more, for different, for "better", which is insanely ridiculous. Why am I not content? Whatever the reason sometimes I just want to escape. Sometimes I want all new, and not new stuff but just new surroundings, new mission, new calling, new purpose... Sometimes I want to move somewhere more simple where everything is just simplified, not chaotic and just completely relaxing and filled with only natural things. Anyone else ever feel this way? Or am I alone? I'm sure I'm not alone, I'm sure there are quite a few in this world who can relate. So I'm not sure how to fix my issues, I know only God can help me in this, and so I will persevere, and I will not give up asking Him to change my hearts' desires to align with His. I will continue to serve, continue to be willing to be used by Him and continue to try to be what He has made me to be. Feelings of discontentment will remain until He calls me home, hopefully not for the same reasons I just described above, but instead because I'm longing for my heavenly home, a better country, a place where contentment is made complete in Christ Jesus, a place far better than one I could ever dream up or imagine! "But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." (Hebrews 11:16 ESV)
So in conclusion I bring a sacrifice of praise before my Lord and I say Thank You today for the perseverance you provide me to not quit and to never give up. Thank You for the grace you provide, that I'm so undeserving of and help me to give it as quickly as I receive it. And finally, Thank You for friendly random strangers who just want to chat, but who remind me how important a feeling of community is and of the fact that every single person in this world has been made in Your image and is worth a friendly smile, a genuine "hi, how are you?", a helping hand, or a chance to go first in line.
